Possessive Love

I was talking to this woman about her relationship with her son.  She was extremely stressed out that her son was not doing well.  She was worried about him returning home late and not doing well in school. She was worried that he wasn’t well doing well emotionally.  I found out he was actually 28 years old and in medical school.  There was no doubt she loved her son.  But to an observer, her love was very oppressive.   In the same fashion, some people feel signs of jealousy and possessiveness is a sign of caring.  She had an almost compulsive need to be a part of her son’s life.  She constantly felt the need to help him and worry for him, because he didn’t care enough for himself. 

In my opinion, allowing someone to live their own lives is the best you can do for them.  Sometimes you may regret your decisions, but I cannot tell you how many people feel completely dissatisfied if they believe they are followed paths in live to please others.  When navigating the game of life 99% of the time you're probably slightly off-course, but 99% of the time you're heading in the right direction and you'll get there.  In all honesty, the best thing, which we can give those we love, is our trust and respect that they’ll be able to overcome the hardships in their life, and to give them the security that we’ll always be there for them no matter what happens.

 

Love is at the Center of the Universe

Ah love, we meet someone and they’re attracted to us as well.   It’s intoxicating to know someone is focused on you and the attention is really flattering.  It feels really good to feel special and for that moment the world revolves around you.   But in reality except for a child or a pet, no one’s world really revolves around you.   And when we start to get concerned that the other person isn’t focused on us and we may loose that heady feeling, then we start to overthink.   Why didn’t he invite me out with his friends?  He definitely gave me signals that night, it’s a sure sign he likes me, right?  Why doesn’t he want to work on this together?  Why isn’t he listening to me?  Why is giving attention to someone else? And on and on it goes.   We do this to ourselves, because we like thinking we’re the most important aspect of someone’s life.  Being the most important thing to them means they really care, and if they care enough it means they will love you forever.   We’ve been conditioned since we’re young into thinking there is no true happiness without love.  Ideally that love comes in the form of a marriage and children, so you’ll always be loved.  You’ll never be unhappy (aka alone), if you can line up a couple generations of committed love.  But in reality the no one’s world revolves around another single person.  We might find it selfish that the other person has his or her own priorities.  It seems cold and scary thinking that we’re not the most important element of someone's life.   But it’s pretty stressful constantly thinking about someone all the time and trying to make them the center of our universe.  If that's the expectation, then it's no wonder that one or both parties give up after a while.  Actually finding a relationship where you both truly care about each other without conditions and expectations is one of the most freeing experiences and the one that will inspire true happiness.